Non-marital Relationships in Conservative Societies

What Must I Do ?

The problem with being too “Westernized” or “Modern” in a largely traditional society is that, while you are free to do stuff your own way and feel liberated beyond the restrictions of conventional values, you are also subjected to many tough and piercing lessons in life. Say, for example, a relationship before marriage.

Many people get involved with someone in that way and end up with lots of happy memories, strong emotional and physical bonds. The whole idea, that you “shouldn’t be doing this”, “can’t tell anyone”, “it’s only about you and me now”, the secretiveness, etc. is a highly alluring factor especially in repressed societies, and may as well evolve into something more meaningful over time. Sweeping away the religious domain for sometime, life is beautiful.

However, in a society where legal bonds associated with such a relationship are rarely taken seriously, where no one recognizes your relationship as anything but driven by carnal desires and added to that, the problem of accountability associated with this sort of a relationship, of cheating and indifference, you may get to learn about things the hard way. It can so happen that the person you’ve been with for the past five years, may one day decide to leave you like it never even happened. You won’t have many sympathizers.

This happens in marriages too, but it’s just that one tends to evoke more sympathy from the conservative mind in that case. If you’re in a bf-gf or live-in relationship and everything goes wrong one day, if they ever decide to leave, then ALL the blame in the world comes forth crashing on your shoulders and may God save you, if you happen to be a girl !

You are left alone to face the emotional stress with more or less no family support, which you would have received if, instead of mon amour, your fiancee or husband/wife had done that. To people, in places like ours, it doesn’t matter how long the relationship lasted and how true you felt it was, there is simply no acceptance of such “mistakes”. Since you were alone in your decision, you estranged everyone else, therefore you deserve to suffer. You are looked down upon and that’s just how people think.

– Percentage of men who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had: 57%
– Percentage of women who admit to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had: 54%
– Percentage of men and women who admit to having an affair with a co-worker: 36%
– Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity on business trips: 36%
– Percentage of men and women who admit to infidelity (emotional or physical) with a brother-in-law or sister-in-law: 17%
– Average length of an affair: 2 years
– Percentage of marriages that last after an affair has been admitted to or discovered: 31%
– Percentage of men who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 74%
– Percentage of women who say they would have an affair if they knew they would never get caught: 68%
A Westernized relationship demands an inner strength and indifference which people from traditional countries seldom have, and quite understandably so. It is like a coping-mechanism one evolves to deal with the types of stress associated with non-marital relationships. On comparison, people in Western countries are born and brought up in a culture which does not deem such relationships as unacceptable. Betrayal and cheating happen quite often, hence the barrage of entertainment and emotional vents for people to get over them. Moreover, your family and friends will help you because it’s highly probable that they’ve been through the same. A majority of people from our part of the world, however, cannot relate to how you feel and may even refuse to relate with, if they do at all. You are surrounded by a bunch of toxic, judgemental people who never lose an opportunity to belittle you.


Now, the only way for us to be answerable to no one is to be financially independent. This is the only safe way to be in a non-marital relationship in conservative countries.


Because you can survive if you are financially well equipped, and it’s murder if you are not.

Then what about the emotional support we all need from our friends and families ?

Well, they say you can even buy friends nowadays. Money hai tou honey hai 😛

*sigh*……. The world is changing (for the worse).

And honestly, it is tough to be in such a relationship. But, the choice is all yours at the end of the day.

The End.

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